Wednesday, August 02, 2006

X-Rated Astronomy

By Robert M Wilson

It seems like every semester certain female college students enjoy sitting in the front row of classrooms displaying very exposed cleavages. Professors handle them in different ways.

One day, in Astrophysics 201, busty Miss Anderson had already gotten Dr. Geschlecht’s attention by bending down low for her notebook, leaving little to the imagination. Obviously distracted, he nevertheless began, in a thick German accent, “Riccardo Giacconi, won the Nibble, I mean Nobel, Prize in 2002 for his pioneering contributions to astrophysiques.”

Despite student laughter, he continued. “Giacconi worked out the principles for construction of an x-ray telescope to be mounted on a satellite so as to gain closer views of bodies in the Milky Way and beyond, such as Black Holes, Red Giants and White Dwarfs. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Hubble telescope.”

“We’re going to look at x-rated, I mean, x-ray images of one of the most beautiful nipples, I mean nebulas, in the galaxy: the Grab, I mean, Crab Nebula. You must pardon my English.”

By now, Dr. Geschlecht’s face was an intense shade of red. He got some respite when he darkened the room to show Chandra Observatory photos of the nebula with the overhead projector, noting its formation, size, distance, brightness and location.

Turning on the lights afterward, his eyes were again assaulted by revealed bosoms. He was dazed, in a dream beyond his control. Awkwardly, he ended the lecture by reminding the class, “We will have a kiss, I mean quiz, next week to test your mammaries, I mean memories” and fled the room. From now on he would wear dark sun glasses in class.

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